Views from a Troubled Mind
Bad Memories & Nightmares
I dreamt I was piloting a jumbo jet.
I remembered learning that left controlled climbs and dives, and that right controlled velocity. But the controls did not correspond to my maneuvers.
A hand from behind me reached over and flicked on the automatic switch. And we landed.
As I exited into the city, I wondered what became of my comic books.
I was at the University. I climbed the stairs. Maybe I'd find my comics there.
The One-Way Stairs
But I couldn't see the small letters on the campus map. The small boy next to me was holding a pair of glasses that looked like mine. Those are mine, I told him. One dollar, he said. The old man next to him whispered into his ear. Then the boy said, Forty five dollars. I told the old man that he can buy them if he wants. I won't pay even a dollar for what is mine.
The police arrived and I saw my comics in the patrol car back seat. The door was open. I grabbed the bag tightly and thought, No dream will take what is mine. With comic bag in my grip, I slid down the stairway rail to the waiting jet. I boarded and didn't look back as we ascended.
Where the Horizon Meets Itself
A Footnote on Therapy & Treatment: Update #6, re Defense Mechanisms
The Dr forgot two Defense Mechanisms in her essay: Avoidance and Procrastination. Maybe they aren't psych terms., but they should be. It occurred to me that these two terms may be mutually exclusive, but I'll treat them as two separate mechanisms here.
What is Avoidance? When we think of something bad that happened to us, we sometimes whistle; we blink our eyes or we cluck or tongue. Then we're thinking of something different. We avoided the bad thoughts.
What is Procrastination? We put off till tomorrow actions that will bring up bad thoughts. I'll mow the lawn tomorrow; here, for instance, the smell of fresh cut grass may remind you of the day your pet cat was killed by that neighbor's dog. You put off the memory by putting off the activity.
That's why perceptive is so important. The wide mouth of the distance ends with a sharp point and at this point there is a familiar creature, the beast of nightmares: The bad memory. The closer you get to this monster, the further away it gets. You never reach the horizon. But, oddly, the creature can simply reach out and crush you even as you stay a safe distance from the beast with Avoidance and Procrastination. For the beast looms larger in front of the perspective, and your safety lies there in the sharp point of the distance. To your eye, the two points are the same distance; to your mind, tomorrow is far away. But today is yesterday's tomorrow, and the beast never leaves. It lives simultaneously in the wide mouth at the front of the perspective and in the point at the end of the perspective.
And you bring it closer with every tomorrow you live today by hiding in the false safety of your illusory Defense Mechanisms. Do you hear the whistling?